Privilege of being sick

This is a personal post.  10 years ago, I suffered a stroke.  It was a period of my life where I was forced to slow down.  It was a very dark time for me where I had no sense of direction in life.  I was very unhappy and felt very stuck.  I had a job that I absolutely hated, tough family situations, and financial difficulties.  It really didn’t take long for the sickness to show itself.  It first started with a mild pain on the left side of my face but within a week the pain really got out of hand and no aspirin would work at that point.  I ended up spending thousands of dollars on doctor visits and medicine but no one could diagnose what the problem was.

After about a month of suffering from this excruciating pain I fell into a depression.  This pain was consuming me and I had no hope to get it fixed.  One day, I was sitting and chatting with a few of my friends at a local coffee shop and I started to zone out.  Everything seemed slow.  Cars were passing by us but in slow motion.  I felt like I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, rocking back and forth.  My friends’ chattering was echoing in my head.  It was all too weird yet very subtle and I couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening to me.

The next morning, I woke up with double vision.  When you cross your eyes, you see everything in two’s.  Well, that’s how my world was for the next 4-5 months.

Sixth nerve palsy, also known as Abducens nerve palsy, is a neurological defect due to an impaired sixth cranial nerve. This nerve controls outer eye movement, and can result in decreased lateral eye movement and horizontal double vision when turning the eye.

I was forced to slow down.  I was fully dependent on God’s plan.  Now that I look back, it brings tears to my eyes.  How grateful I am to Our Father who gave me the opportunity to slow down and listen.  He made me realize how unhappy I was.  He made me realize that I can be more.  He made me realize that I needed to do something good for myself.  He made me realize that I CAN SAY NO to things that can potentially harm me in the future.  He gave me the awesome privilege to be physically hindered temporarily so that I would learn to depend on others who care for me.

After my full recovery, I went back to school.  I received a medal for being the best student in my college at the time and was accepted to one of the most prestigious art colleges with a scholarship.  With God’s grace I was able to accomplish a task that I thought I was never capable of.  From there, I was able to find photography and I believe, somehow, I’m impacting someone’s life in a very good way by capturing a moment that will be treasured for a very long time.

This sickness was a life changing opportunity God gifted me with.  No one is insignificant in the eyes of God.  No one.  He loves me and you just the same.  He wants to speak to us because He loves us.  He wants to have a personal and intimate relationship with all of us individually and as a whole.  He wants to change your and my eternal destiny.  He wants to give our lives the very best!  That’s why He has given me this opportunity to realize that I needed a change of direction and the only way to get my attention was through this sickness. He knows exactly what I need.  Sometimes it is through pain, suffering, and sickness that we learn things about God that we wouldn’t learn in any other way.  It is difficulties, hardships, and journeys in our lives which wouldn’t be our choice and yet God uses it.  In this occasion, He used this sickness to guide me and save me.  I was able to see but was blind spiritually and yet He saved me.  Therefore, I am grateful with all my heart.

Took this photo with my Canon Powershot S70.  My very first camera :)